It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.