U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sober January is a disaster.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she peed on how many people?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?