That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.