Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
What changed your mind?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.