Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"