He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.