I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
