Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
