he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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