I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
