The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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