Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
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This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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