people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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