i just sent this text using only my big toe
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
