He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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