If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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