We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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