Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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