So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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