Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
