New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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