I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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