All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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