She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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