I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
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please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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