Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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