I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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