I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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