She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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