Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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