drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
