Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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