I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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