I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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