I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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