just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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