the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize