is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
