you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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