It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
