god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
