I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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