I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They took my balls.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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