Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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