Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.