Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
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Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of