but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize