I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
