All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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