playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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