Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize