so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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