I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
