sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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