i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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