omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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